Saturday, March 07, 2009
It's true. I made a mini-me. Stevie is at the top, I'm in the next photo with my Great Grandmother.
My my how time is flying. It seems Stevie is doing something new everyday. Her newest thing is doing this movement with her right arm that I like to call "helicopter arm". Maybe she will be right handed? Not a molly duker like her Mum.
I am currently asking all Mum's I know why the heck they did not warn me how tough this job would be. I guess being a parent is hard to explain to someone who has never been there. Maybe that's why.
I have been through so many ups and downs. But where I am today is a good place.
I still stress out and feel completely overwhelmed at times and to be completely honest I did suffer from a bit of post natal depression. Before I had Stevie I wondered how one could suffer from depression at such an exciting time, but if parenting has taught me anything (and of course it has, it's taught me a lot) it's taught me that all preconceptions regarding parenting are going to be extremely challenged and most of the time far from how things really are.
I say I'm in a good place now, though I am still struggling. I am tired. My body hurts, I miss my art. I complain and then feel bad for being so ungrateful and not living up to my own expectations of being a "perfect" mother. One who does all she needs to do without ever whinging about it. But what is this facade we all try to put up and for who's benefit is it for anyway? Ours? For others? It doesn't help ourselves not to share with others how hard we are finding things at times. And it certainly doesn't help other Mum's when we lead them to believe we are doing just super and have it all together with a clean house and a home cooked meal on the dinner table at 6pm every night. It's our duty to other Mum's to leave our houses messy when they come over, and to share the fact that sometimes we just can't do it all and that we are not perfect human beings. Then maybe it will help them to not feel so bad when they can't keep their houses as clean as ours.
This is the hardest & most emotionally intense job I've ever had. And yes I admit, I'm a bit of a lazy person. But it's also the most rewarding. I complain, but I'm not looking for sympathy... I just don't want to pretend that everything is perfect and be all la-de-da here as that would only be telling half the story. I am happy, but I have my moments.
And so even though right now my back is aching, the little nugget is asleep in her cot & I am looking forward to holding her again when she next wakes. I am looking forward to the new milestones that the next week will bring. She is on the verge of rolling over and new sounds are gurgling out of her mouth frequently. I am excited about starting to introduce foods to her (we bought a pretty funky high chair today). Her smile is the most awesome thing in the world.
So I need to rest up and prepare myself for another day. Another day where I need to remind myself that this time will go fast so I need to enjoy the present and really enjoy Stevie as she is now. Not to care so much about a messy house- which is easier said than done. And remember that any great achievement usually takes a lot of hard work... and that I'm not alone coz there are a stack of other Mum's out there that are doing the exact same thing.